Weakness inherent

I'm pretty sure the fact that should-be-significant relationship-characters that I have in my dreams continually change personality, physical appearance, and even importance is indicative of a major flaw in my brain that really hurts my ability to 'care' about people.

I found this poem in my mom's things.  I wrote it years ago.

One Man's Life

On and on the river runs,

Without the bed, without the shore

A widened, flowing, monstrous pour;

So many currents.

Descend the depths

And one will find the many cliffs,

falling, rising, here and there from path to path.

Following the inward drives of fish,

they strive for the paths for greatest strength.

But to the fish who rides away,

fighting drives to find other ways,

to a surface stagnant and free,

finds he a place without sorrow.

The fish knows all that he might be,

seeing all that lies beneath;

but he knows not which way to go.

He fights and fights to see,

though seeing all he cannot feel.

All he has is honor.

His character is all he is.

Without outlet, without purpose.

The currents gave him daily food,

and reasons, color, they drove his wants:

his daily wants, a fish's only existence.

Given this?  He understands.  This is all there is for fish.

There's more inside: intentions, minds,

feelings, fibrous souls, and signs,

yet past all these there's only life.

A life to live, a current to choose.

One or the other still leads through sea.

Through Sea, Through Sea,

Through Sea.

This Sea is salt.

To live I must live in sea!

I must give in sea!

I receive in sea!

In Sea?!

No On, No Over,

No Under.

All the other fish find it fine;
living on currents just to pass the time.
I want more! But the sky is dim
Back to the depths I go to find this,
my life.

My position is egocentric but out of Love for you.  I am wrong to assume but even more wrong to declare that I know what is right and most true.  Who am I to sway the subject of my affection?  Who am I declare the path from my own shrouded position?  I love you for your greatness but I hate you for my weakness, so I'm dropping it off and taking your hand and telling you, " Darlin' "  and asking you " Darlin'? " with a fear.

Love is unconditional and conditions set are relationships burned.  Expectations should not be conditions.  Fears are wrought from ignorance and Love is wrought from knowledge.

A wretched creature is Man, but a man is not all creature.  The soul doth portend of greater light in the heavens for his estate.  In Man lies the attitudes of greatness.  Untapped by his blindness.  Fragile to his hard-head.  Be a vessel of light and forsake the corruption of the weak.  Love cannot be love, if it is not from God.  That can only be from the pitiful and lost.  Exercise in the Lord.  Wear the protection the Great and Terrible has provided.  Purify your eyes and vessel within, with the bitter repulsing vinegar of Sorrow.  Engage in eating from the vines of the Lord's vineyard and refuse the poisons of sin.

Thus we arrive at the inveritable crossroads infinitum;
defining the course of God is like:
observing a star and naming it's grandchild
exploring the numbers of the universe
determining the finite power (in any use of the word) of any mind / soul

Everlasting, Vast, and Immeasurable.
A physical nightmare but a metaphysical wonder.
A Being not known by the arts of man
, but everpresent in the arts of .................

Can man's Hope for Good live through the ages?
Can his Faith in Good last through the torrents?
Can Peace be his Solace?
Will Inspiration be his guiding element?
Will progress be rewarded for steadfastness?
Will Finality bring him Justice?

Is his Peace a farce?
Does his Faith gain?
Is his Hope for Good?
Or all doth lay in vain?

I fear not these questions for they bring me strength.
Strength unto Honor.
Wisdom of Truth.
Most of all Peace,
For I know that He Soothes.
For if not for that,
then my Life would be proved,
a sad insignificant waste of use.

But instead there is Virtue instilled by my Hope,
and progress is empowered when Virtue comes through
expressed in my actions, expressed in truth!
And intellect, emotion, experience, and youth
wage a fine war in my soul seeking proof
(Evidence of Life, Love, Wisdom, and Strength)
And ambiguity claims my thoughts. Which way to turn?
"Towards the Truth!" says a voice. And stillness.
The previous churning essence of who I am and what I was,
is clarified so delicately that I barely am awed,
till that pounding heart and pulsing mind realize
that stillness and potency so fine;
it is a man changed looking out from those eyes.
Ever so slightly but surely he knows
This New Path Is Freedom
This Path that Leads Home.
A sliver of gain never had in his life:
Never forged by his hand.
Never learned in his mind.
Home is so far but at least it is True.
Now he offers his first prayer:
To this Power I know!
To this Being who doeth change!
May this Light never wander and leave me estranged!
Follow I now and by these steps I do go:
Hope, Faith, and Steadfastness.
Is there more? I MUST know!
Silence so bitter and sorrow
so plain.
Does this hold off this being, this man?
No. He follows forth with assiduous plan.
Marked by Hope and Faith
he acts and prays
pouring out his 'soul' to the World.
Following after The Being
that changed him past his own soul.
His body prostrate and then rising to call upon this God.
His mind thinking over his wonderings
And his heart laid bare

To Be Continued.....Maybe

I am Poet...hear me roar....

Oh glory! Oh famished intent! Where hath my meaning gone? To whom do I intend my love? From whence is my Life to come? And ever-more, Lord guide my lost soul from these Depths... ~Me

Do you know of me? Do you know what I may become?? Then surely you know of my failures.

For I am now he who is not of excellence. Know you my sorrow?

It lies in the possibility of empathic sympathy, unfulfilled, and refinement of soul, unattained, and deepness of feeling....of Love, unapproached.

Wallow with me or ignore my misconceptions, misconceived of this Earth supposed state: cradled by the light though nearly in entirety continually Dark.

Dark, without glory.

Black, irredeemable.

Oiled and tarnished

Irredenta; of Sons of Man, of Sons of God.

Deep as the night sky, the Night of Earth.

Within beholden are its own Of Fear, of Death,

or Hopeless regret;

The leaden Heart, emulgates with blood Liquid cold with Liquid heat From Soul to Motif to Earth

I am philosopher! Hear me, hear me!

Can a man logically create a stable society? Is there a human mode that allows for a comprehensive and logical construction of society to allow for all acceptable freedoms and restrict the powers of those who would abuse and oppress? I say there is. Millennia have passed and no one has implemented such an idea (being successful). Could we be nearing such a possiblity....Or could it ever be?

A pristine perfect art will confound the enemies of your soul. Replaced by understanding, the oppression is destroyed.